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Saturday, June 21, 2008


I stared into his deep brown eyes. They were always intense, sincere and eloquent. Eyes that had always made my heart flutter and beat ten times faster whenever I gazed into them. These were a different set of eyes. I was looking into a different person. He was hurt and in pain. I couldn’t believe I had done such a horrible thing. I don’t deserve to live anymore. I want to run away. No. I don’t want to run away. I want something bad to happen to me, to hurt me in a way that I had hurt him. I couldn’t bear to look into his sad eyes any longer. I tore my gaze away, tears pooling in my eyes. I don’t deserve him. He deserves someone better than me, someone who truly loves him.

“It’s not your fault,” he managed in calm voice. He was faking his calmness. I saw the hurt and betrayal in his beautiful eyes. He was only being calm for his own sake, not mine. At least that was what I thought.

“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have hurt you,” I said in the steadiest voice I could manage. I stared at the ground, too afraid to look into his eyes again.

“There were a lot of things you shouldn’t have done. There were also a lot of things that I shouldn’t have done as well. We all make mistakes. We’re only human,” he sighed.

“But what I did was unforgiveable!” I exclaimed.

Why was he being so nice to me? Why won’t he scream at me? Why? I don’t deserve any kindness. He is being cruel by being kind to me. I was encompassed by guilt. I was completely tormented by the guilt, pain and remorse I felt. I was furious with myself. I was also angry at him for letting me get away with this.

“Why won’t you shout at me? Why aren’t you angry at me for doing this to you?” I shouted in a shrill voice as hot tears began rolling down my cheeks.

“Calm down. I am not angry at you. I won’t be able to resolve anything by shouting at you,” he replied meekly.

“Why can’t you be angry at me? Why? You think that you’re making me feel better by being all kind and forgiving?” I sobbed uncontrollably. I was surprised that I was still able to talk or shout.

There was silence for a long time. The silence went on for so long that I thought he had walked away and left me. That’s what I deserved. I had my eyes closed but I decided to lift my head, open my eyes to check if he actually walked away. He was still standing there just like a few minutes ago. Our gazes met. This time, I couldn’t tear my gaze away from his eyes. His eyes glistened with tears but shone with love.

“That’s because I love you.”

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